I am in treatment for my eating disorder and I had to come clean to friends and family members who admittedly didn’t know anything about eating disorders. Most were supportive, but there was always someone who would simply said the wrongs things. I know that most people don’t try to say the wrong things, but it happens. I happened quite often and as time went on it became more and more hilarious. I can now take a joke about it all, but before, it really got annoying. If you don’t know me, you’ll find out really fast in this post that I am very sarcastic and it’s how I get through life!
I will warn you now that I am going to add my uncensored thoughts in many places, so I hope you can handle my rant.
I should preface this post by stating that I like the “f-bomb”… you know, the term “fuck!” I use this term often. As I found this online, I feel this explains well why you will see this term so often in this post. If you’re offended, just stop reading because it really is needed to get the point across 🙂
Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word “fuck”.
It is a magical word which, just by its sound can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate. In language, “fuck” falls into many grammatical categories.
It can be used as a verb both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John).
It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck),a passive verb (Mary really doesn’t give a fuck),and adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John),or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck).
It can also be used as an interjection (Fuck! I’m late for my date with Mary).
It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she’s also stupid).
As you can see there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word fuck.
Aside from its sexual connotations, this word can be used to describe many situations:
1. Greetings………”How the fuck are ya?”
2. Fraud……………”I got fucked by the car dealer.”
3. Resignation…….”Oh, fuck it!”
4. Trouble………….”I guess I’m fucked now.”
5. Aggression………”Fuck you!”
6. Disgust…………….”Fuck me.”
7. Confusion………….” What the fuck….?”
8. Displeasure…………”Fucking shit man…”
9. Lost……………………”Where the fuck are we?”
11.Retaliation………….”Up your fucking ass!”
12. Apathy……………..”Who really gives a fuck?”
13. Suspicion………….”Who the fuck are you?”
14. Directions…………..”Fuck off.”
15. Excitement……… “Fuck yeah!”
16. Congrats………. “Congratufuckinglations!”
It can be maternal……..”Motherfucker!”
It can be used to tell time…….”It’s four fucking twenty!”
It can be used as an anatomical description………….”He’s a fucking asshole.”
Lastly, it has been used by many notable people throughout history:
“What the fuck was that?” -Mayor of Hiroshima
“That’s not a real fucking gun.” -John Lennon
“Where the fuck is all this water coming from?” -Captain of the Titanic
“Who the fuck is gonna find out?” -Richard Nixon
“Heads are gonna fucking roll.” -Anne Boleyn
“Any fucking idiot could answer that.” -Albert Einstein
“It does so fucking look like her!” -Picasso
“You want what on the fucking ceiling?” -Michaelangelo
“Fuck a duck.” -Walt Disney
“Houston, we have a big fucking problem.” – The crew of Apollo 13
Hope you got a laugh. Now on with my post!
Recently I made the mistake of a blog posting on a friend’s facebook page and now the cat’s out of the bag. Ooops. I am not into telling people all about my disorder for fear of what will happen because I’m a teacher and that’s just not cool – I don’t want my perfectionism posted all over the world. I don’t need to walk around with a billboard on my head because I am not an “anorexic” – I’m
freaking fucking awesome Rachel for goodness sake! So, somebody was trolling around and saw my post and had the nerve to ask me about it in a working environment and like it was socially appropriate (with others around to hear). The conversation went a little like this:
Her: “I didn’t know you had an ED”
Her: “I didn’t know you had an eating disorder, anorexia, your post on facebook”
Me: “Um. What??????.” Me saying “what?” again is the first clue that this conversation shouldn’t be happening.
Her: “I saw your post on facebook, when you post something on a friends wall, others can see it and I didn’t know” Duh, you didn’t know because I didn’t fucking tell you because I don’t broadcast that shit!!!!
Me: “I don’t, I’m in recovery and I’m not sick anymore. I totally didn’t realize it would show up on news feed. I will fix that, it was my misake. Nobody here at school knows about that and I keep it that way.” Trying to cover that shit up because who really comes out and asks that shit? Seriously! Blunt much?
Her: “I was going to say…. You don’t look THAT thin” …… it’s okay …. Let your jaws drop! MERP…. This isn’t the first time. In fact, I’ve heard this many times. I’m going to just let my thoughts start flowing…. Are you fucking kidding me? I don’t look that thin??? Duh, because I said I am in recovery and I’m in treatment and I’m getting healthy!!!! Many, many pounds later I’m not sickly thin anymore and what the hell are you saying now???
Now, this isn’t always their fault. Some people are just ill-informed, uneducated or just plain fucking stupid. They just don’t know what the right and wrong things are to say. Luckily, I now feel confident enough in my recovery that words don’t really make me toy with the idea of relapsing. The comments suck – a lot – and make me want to scream, but I want recovery enough that I can laugh my head off and say, “Wow, common sense is not so common, I can’t believe you think it’s okay to say that.” Sometimes, you can’t make this shit up…. It’s seriously stuff that should only be found in a sitcom, but no…. it really happens. I feel like any educated person should know there are some things you shouldn’t say. But there are times when you can say the wrong thing to a fragile person in treatment/recovery and if you do, it could really set them back (as it has me before).
So here are just a few example of really dumb fucking things to tell anyone with an eating disorder or trying to recover from one:
1. About that cleanse or diet you’re doing.
First of all, I don’t buy these “detoxes” or “cleanses” at all. I mean, can you imagine trying to explain the concept of a cleanse to a person who is unable to feed their self or their family? You’re reducing your caloric intake to boost your energy? Um, yeah right…. No, you’re just reducing your food to drop some water weight fast and see a drop on the scale. When “the cleanse” is over, that number on the scale is going right back up! Diets don’t work my friends…. If they did we would only have to do them once! Oops… did I just break the secret of the entire diet industry? My bad.
Go ahead and do that “cleanse”. Here’s a picture of a starving orphan that is engaging in a “cleanse” every day. Carry on and be pleased with yourself for pooping or whatever “flushing” you’re doing.
Let me add this – I don’t want to hear about your fucking diet when I’m on a weight gain meal plan or I’m on a limited exercise or weight maintenance meal plan. You annoy me – shut up. Try learning to accept your body and stop forcing it to be what it’s not. You can go ahead and make it what it’s not, but right after you do, it’s going to go back to where it wants to be. Just sayin’
2. “I wish I had your problem.”
Are you fucking kidding me? Having an eating disorder doesn’t mean someone is really good at losing weight and getting ready for the next bathing suit season. An eating disorder is a disease that kills people and takes years to recover from. Do you wish you had tuberculosis or cancer too, fuck head? Essentially, that’s what you’re saying – you wish you had a disease that needed treatment. It is so damn offensive when you say you wish you had that problem. I wish you would punch yourself in the face and shut the hell up because you’re an idiot… oh and I don’t wish I was as freaking stupid as you because you have no couth! (wait, too big of a word for your vocabulary? It means no manners).
This is my “what the hell?” face.
3. “But you aren’t THAT thin”
Are you fucking kidding me?
Yes, that is what my face says in this picture!!
An eating disorder is “equal opportunity” disease. They come in all shapes and sizes and I don’t give a shit what the DSM IV says. I’ve been at a healthy weight living off a yogurt a day and not losing weight because my metabolism slowed down so much that I physically couldn’t lose weight. In fact, it’s those people that aren’t extremely thin or overweight usually fly under the radar and don’t get proper treatment. You don’t have to be stick thin to have anorexia and you saying that I’m not THAT thin makes me want to punch you in the face. Of course I’m not THAT thin because I’m in recovery you fucking idiot! 30 pounds ago I was too fucking thin and I worked my butt off to get healthy! But your stupid comment has proven that you’re an idiot.
4. “I could never be anorexic, I love food too much”
Yep – you went there…. You have just proven that you have no clue what eating disorders are about and you made it totally awkward for us both. Um, yeah, so I guess that means I don’t like food? No, you idiot!!!! In fact, I’m obsessed with it…. I just feel like I can’t eat it! WTF?? And seriously, did I ask you if you ever could be? No, I didn’t… if you don’t know what to say, talk to me about the weather – it’s less awkward talking about rain and clouds.
5. “I see your recovery is going well; you look so healthy!”
This is the most popular one, yet it hurts the most. People who don’t know jack-shit about EDs are bound to say it. I know the word “healthy” might seem like a positive adjective, but the ED person basically hears something like this:
“I see you’re eating again cause you look like a fat ass now”
Yea…. so don’t say that because we are already well aware that we are “healthy” again and that we put on the bazillion pounds of weight – you don’t need to remind us. Defer to the weather and avoid appearance comments. Seriously, why do you think it would ever be okay to reference our body? You’re dumb.
6. “I have an eating disorder too…. Hahaha” (pointing at beer belly)
Um… just fuck off. Are you trying to make me feel like less of a freak or something? Instead I’m just disgusted and you piss me off for taking it as a joke. No words.
7. “How low did your lowest weight get?”
You’ve got to be fucking joking me! How many sexual partners have you had? When was the last time you’ve been to the gynecologist? Have you ever had an STD? Oh wait, I’m sorry…. was that an inappropriate question to ask? Because the one you asked me is too!!!!!! It’s not some sick form of entertainment to see how low a person can go. Just don’t talk anymore.
8. “You need to eat a cheeseburger”
Piss off. I’ve been trying to gain weight. Maybe while I do that, you can eat shit and die. Too harsh? Too bad, I’m blunt.
These days, I’m actually proud that I can laugh at idiotic people who think they understand disorders and refuse to learn. I have had the opportunity to get a great amount of nutrition knowledge through the course of this road to recovery. I laugh because when people talk about nutrition and I share what I’ve learned, they disregard it, or tell me I’m wrong. It’s hilarious. I’ve worked with 3 nutritionist, who are well-versed in nutrition, and you think this fad diet is right …. Go on ahead, my friend.
The moral of this post is think before you speak. Eating disordered people are so often “people pleasers” and we don’t say a word when we are offended or when people do these things… SCREW THAT…. if I walked up to you and said, “Hey, it looks like you’ve put on about 5lbs” I think you would not be happy. This is kind of the same thing. Don’t be stupid and try to seriously have just a little couth. If I work my butt off to be respectful of your existence, just give the same respect.
This post is blunt and honest, but true. Sweet girls don’t beat eating disorders…. tough ones do. Take it or leave it.
I’m sure my list is NOT complete. Are there any other terrible things you’ve heard that made you want to scream? Do share, and also share your uncensored thoughts!!