Well…. I’ve written the draft/letter…. now I just need to live it. If I’m going to break up with Ed, I need to make it official, right?
It’s time that we talk. There are a lot of things I’ve wanted to say to you, but I haven’t found the right words. For a long time things have seemed rocky between us. We seem to have different goals and we seem to be going two separate ways. I thought I would address the fights we’ve been having back and forth.
I would like to start by thanking you for all you’ve done for me. When I needed you the most, it really felt like you were there for me. There were times when I felt like I needed to get away, and you helped me do that. When things felt stressful, scary, or too hard to deal with, you helped me avoid them. When things felt like they hurt too badly, you found a way to make them not hurt so much. When I felt like I couldn’t handle the world around me, you gave me something else to focus on and your encouragement made me feel stronger and stronger each day. The harder I worked, at first, the stronger I felt. Your avoidance tactics were priceless!
A lot of the avoidance had to do with feelings. With you, feelings were non-existent, unless they were present for others to make them happy. When those scary negative feelings reared their ugly heads, you were there to “save” me! You came in so fast and you helped me feel so strong like I was in so much control. I didn’t have to feel them at all!! You convinced me to trust you, and I did. I’m not sure I was ready to feel the feelings at that time, and I think I needed your distraction, so for that, I thank you.
Thank you for trying to make me feel powerful. You definitely convinced me to work hard and that things would get better if I lost 5 more pounds, and you helped me get to a dangerously low weight. Thanks for putting that kind of effort into me. Your motivation gave me a strong work ethic; I know now that I can work very hard and handle quite a bit! Thank you for making me feel powerful and like I was good at something.
I’m writing this letter because I think we should go our separate ways. I’m sorry if this comes as a shock to you, but I’ve been thinking a lot about this and I think it’s what’s best. Things haven’t been adding up as we’ve been spending more and more time together and it just doesn’t seem to come out even. I don’t think we “belong together” anymore. I’ll go ahead and spell out the inconsistencies.
One problem that I found is that while you helped me avoid anything that was scary, I was never able to actually “deal” with it. Some things didn’t have to be there, but other things really had to be dealt with! Had I not been distracted, there is a chance I could have made better decisions about how to handle things. You had me so engrossed in your workings that I made decisions at the last minute and those weren’t the best choices. If we were working as a team, you wouldn’t have continually done that to me.
I found that you have helped me work so hard to shut off the negative feelings, and while you were doing that, you didn’t really allow the positive ones come out. I was able to put away all the “bad” stuff, but while doing that, I wasn’t allowed to experience any of the “good stuff” at all. When it felt okay to keep the bad stuff out, it didn’t feel okay when I was missing the good stuff. Now that I’m seeing the good stuff, I know it’s what I want. I can’t have the best of both worlds here, so I am choosing to take the positive feelings even though it means I have to experience some negative feelings too. I know what you’ll say, and you are right, the negative feelings will be terrible, but I think they are worth going through for the positive ones!
As we were together, I worked very hard to please you. As I worked, I was never good enough and I truly believe that I won’t ever be good enough. I hit every mark you asked me to hit, but you continued to change the rules and raise the bar. No weight was ever good enough. Each time I hit the mark you asked for, all you did was scream about how it wasn’t good enough, I was still fat and how I needed to lose 5 more pounds or everything would fall apart and I would lose control of everything. I’m finding that, in our relationship, it wasn’t 50/50; I’m finding that I was giving and giving to you, but you just took and then abused me. I need to tell you that you are full of lies. Each time you instruct me to get to a goal, and I reach it, you simply tell me that wasn’t good enough. The bar is always changing. It took me a while, but I want you to know that I noticed.
I gave up a lot for you, and you asked a lot from me, and I will not continue to give anymore. One of the things you took from me is my physical health. You almost put me in the hospital. I trusted you each time you told me to trust you and you could have killed me. When my first set of blood work came back and I had liver damage, I still didn’t realize your lies. Not only did you damage my liver, but you gave me massively irregular heartbeats, you paralyzed my intestinal track with gastroperisis, damaged my bone density, and you have completely screwed up my metabolism to the point where I am still trying to figure it out. All of this happened while I was “trusting” you.
As we part ways, it’s important that you know that I really don’t need you. I found better things to do with my time. I have also found that I’m stronger and happier without you in my life. Truthfully, it was impossible to be happy with you. There may have been times when I felt like you were helping me feel in control, but I slowly noticed that it really wasn’t control that I felt. There was an allusion of control, but all it was all a lie. It was a lie because I found myself running to you more and more to feel control, but it never felt complete. You’re a liar. You always have been, and you always will be.
So, as we say goodbye I would like to reiterate that there is nothing that I want more than this relationship to end. I think this is the most positive thing I am doing for myself and I’m sure you will disagree. I just thought I’d leave you with the nice message that I don’t care what you think, or what you say… the less time I spend with you, the better I feel. Even though this breakup might seem so new, I know it’s the best choice. I hope you burn in Hell.
Have you written a letter like this before??? Does this even work???