Changes in a year

I read a quote that speaks volumes. I’ve changed it a little, to fit, me, but it reads:

I’ve been thinking about changes and who I was this time last year. I know I was a lot more afraid, and I know I’m not the same person anymore. This time last year I was waiting on a call that I knew was never going to come. And now, I’m making the call. I don’t know exactly when I changed, or how, but I know at some point, between cutting my strings, escaping my cage, and building my wings, I am setting myself free.

I think this applies directly to recovery. It’s hard. We walk. We walk long, tired, but tall.

I’m planning another trip to Europe with students and I was sitting and thinking about what parents might ask me and what they might say is the best thing about travelling abroad. Seeing the sites were amazing! Pompeii was great, Rome was beautiful and Paris was gorgeous. I think my favorite part was being in another country and feeling free. Sitting in a café and wondering if the people passing felt as free as I did in that moment. I am a people watcher. I also love to just sit in the moment. When I was in Rome, I think most of my favorite parts were that nothing else in the world mattered except those moments right then.

When you are travelling you are forced to live life in the moment! We never live life in the moment. We plan and worry and adjust. Taking students and having them experience another culture is one of the most amazing moments one could feel. I wish I could take that free feeling and keep it forever!

I found that you can try to force it. How we choose to live, is all our own decision. When we live our life based off emotions we are controlled. We can’t allow that to decide how happy we are. We have to be able to allow our lives to play out the way they should. When fear, anger, and hurt leads us down our path of life, we are bound to have negative interactions. It’s all up to us really.

Happiness is not an end goal… it’s a way of travelling. It’s a way of life. I’m finding that it’s not something that we are searching for, it’s a lifestyle that we have to choose to live. We have to make a conscious choice to live happily each day, each moment. I have to make a choice each day, “will this make me happy?”… and if the answer is no, then I need to stray away from it. I need to look at each interaction and say, “will this keep me happy and healthy?” and if it’s yes, then I will develop and embrace it. Happiness isn’t going to come – we find it and live it. If happiness is having a warm chocolate chip cookie on a cold day, then have that cookie! Happiness is in moments and days… it’s not an end result.

Do you search for happiness as an end result, or do you try to live happily? Something to think about.

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2 thoughts on “Changes in a year

  1. I really l iike this blog. It is so true… do I live my life expecting to be happy or do I take steps to make myself happy on a daily basis? Recovery sucks and it can either be a horrible painful experience or one filled with hope and joy.Some days I do what does not make me happy, thinking it will, but if I use my wise mind I know it does everything BUT make me happy. When I am able to fight against ED and do things that oppose ED and that make me happy I find myself so much more satisfied with life and everything around me. I appreciate people more. I appreciate the day more. I love myself just a little bit more. I can smile just a little bit more. Thanks Rachel

    • You are right! When you fight ED you do feel a lot of pain, but that will slowly go away. It is so hard to keep fighting, but as you keep fighting it does get easier!!! You find more moments of happiness! Just like you are a little happier right now, that feeling increases! you find more and more moments of happiness!!!! Keep working hard!!! It’s so worth it!!!

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