You People

 

That’s what I call them. You People. I put a wall between me and them. I make it so that we aren’t anywhere near the same. If I refer to it as an “us” vs. “them” then I won’t feel bad when I do what I want. I won’t feel bad when I get angry with them and say it’s all their fault.

I’m so sick of you people!

You people just don’t get it!

I’m tired of you people telling me the same thing over and over again.

You people are all the same.

You people don’t understand how hard this is.

I can’t stand you people!

I can argue that “you people” did this to me. You people made me follow the meal plan, you people threw me into skinny camp, and you people just don’t understand what’s going on.

The divide happens when I want full control back. It happens when I want to stay mad, not find a solution and do what it easiest. It happens when this process is just plain hard. It happens when I feel stuck.

“You people” pops out when I’m frustrated and struggling and don’t know another way to describe the divide and how alone in the process I feel. It comes up as a form of detachment when I think I’ve tried to get my point/worry/struggle/fear across and it seems like it just isn’t working. I call them “you people” when I realize that I need them the most. I realize it, but hate to admit it. Sometimes you break, and you have to be put together again. “You people” is when it has finally broken. Back to the drawing board.

I rationally know that the treatment team of doctors, dietitians and psychologists aren’t all against me. Hell, they’ve had an immense amount of patience with me, so they must be on the same side. They become “you people” when it starts to get the hardest. If I pin them on a side together, it’s easier to get frustrated and disagree. “They are all in it together – they are all working to make me fat healthy, make me change and force the struggle when I feel like I just can’t do it.”

The divide feeds the eating disorder. It gives it power. When I verbally divide us, I take the side of the eating disorder saying, “those people don’t know what’s best”. When I feed the disorder the line of “you people” it takes control.  Anything that comes after “you people” is simply a loss of control and an excuse.

It’s easy to get mad at them. It’s easy to stay frustrated. My dietitian once said that I have the harder job of this relationship and she’s damn right. My job sucks. Let’s be real — it fucking sucks. But is she on the other side against me? No. Her job is to challenge me, and I don’t have to like it (and I don’t, by the way).

Truth be told — the divide you build between you and the treatment team is the eating disorder building it. Whether you call them “you people”, “them”, or “they” …. It’s all the same.

 

 

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