In the last year, I’ve become a very assertive person (note that assertiveness is NOT being overbearing, pushy, angry or bitchy, as some would try to tell you). I’m becoming pretty comfortable being assertive, because I’m learning what’s right for me, and I don’t depend on others to decide that for me (minus this whole eating thing). Becoming assertive is something I’ve had to learn and grow into. However, please realize that when you begin to be assertive, and when you’re comfortable being really assertive, some people around you are NOT going to like that at all.
People who respect you already will not be threatened by your assertiveness, because respectful people are normally comfortable in respecting others’ personal rights and reasonable boundaries (please note reasonable boundaries). But be prepared for an onslaught of disapproval, criticism, insults and scolding of your newly found and shown assertiveness. It will come from people who don’t like it that they can’t manipulate and control you any longer, that you won’t lay down and be their doormat, and that you can and will stand up for yourself at all times as a person worthy of respect, dignity and honor. It will simply come because people aren’t used to you saying, “no” when they want you to say “yes”.
When we finally decide to make a stand, and start acting like we have the right to choose what our life will look like (and how we will and will not allow others to treat us), many will be surprised and some won’t be happy. That’s okay as long as we don’t let them keep us from assuming ownership of our lives. Some will be happy for us, or barely notice because they were respectful in the first place — but others will be irritated because finding your own assertiveness and ability to say what you should is a game changer. It’s a game and relationship changer. Some won’t be able to hold on to this new-found You.
As time goes on – you’ll be happier. You will win some, and lose some (friends that is). Those who aren’t happy shouldn’t have been there in the first place. Those who support you are the ones who were meant to be there all along.
What do you do when others try to squash your assertiveness? You continue to be assertive anyway, because that is now exactly what you are.