That tiny little voice.

That tiny little voice.

We all have it. Whether or not we listen to it is a different story.

Sometimes people call it intuition or a gut feeling. Lately, I’ve been “exploring” this. We are a very scientific world so it’s easy to rationalize those “gut feelings” or the “little voices”.

Note– the little voice isn’t a person in your head saying what to do — these are the little urges you feel – especially the ones that won’t go away.

That tiny little voice came into play today. I ran a race today with some other English teachers – Harrisburg Marathon. We did a relay and we made awesome shirts. 🙂

shirt

As I was preparing yesterday and this morning, I had this push not to miss church. Now, this race could have been justification to miss because it was out of the way, but for some reason I really didn’t want to miss; I felt like I really HAD to go – I didn’t know why, but I had to do it. As I thought about it, I felt guilt for not wanting to be there to see all my teammates finish (I was the first leg). I couldn’t help but hear and listen to the push I felt. Team or no team, this urge was strong! I listened.

I made it to church – in my running clothes – that I attempted to fancy up with a fun scarf 🙂  As I was listening, my Pastor talked about healing and the power of Jesus Christ. In addition to talk about the healing we are all given through the Lord, she talked about the importance of trusting in the Lord. The importance of trusting that you will get what you need; you will never be without as long as you trust Him. As the sermon went on, there was the opportunity to pray for those who need healing. I felt an urge to go forward, but my rational mind held me back. For some reason (and I don’t think I’m the only one out there), when I feel I need prayer or help, I somehow rationalize that my problem is miniscule compared to another person… so I don’t speak up. This morning, I went forward any way.

As they were praying for me — to cast out negative thoughts, renew my mind, feel the nourishment of food, and to be able to trust in The Lord — I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. It was almost like I had permission to release myself from the hold of the eating disorder. It was like a weight was lifted. It might have been one of the most relieving moments in my life.  

In walking through recovery, it’s tough to maintain motivation as the battle rages. I have found that my path has taken an amazing turn by renewing my faith. I have gone from feeling like I can’t sit through a meal, to knowing that I have the strength to do so. I have also gone from feeling unworthy to knowing that I am worthy and that there is plenty of good that I can do and feel called to do. It is possible to recover from an eating disorder, and there can be something to be learned from it.

As we walk through this life, finding a higher purpose seems to give us direction. We don’t have all the answers, and truthfully, we never will – but that does not stop us on the journey. So often, we have to take a leap of faith and hope its right. It usually is.

Jeremiah 29:11

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

As I study through scripture, I find more and more of the blessings that I have been given. I just have to accept them and trust that they are mine.

Psalm 103

Of David.

1 Praise the Lord, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the Lord, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

Finding faith and hope is something that seems necessary in life, and even recovery. Not everyone has found religion, and that is fine, but it’s also important to see that you are part of something greater in this universe. If your faith and hope is in God, another God, a process (like recovery), or a way of thinking I hope it’s something positive and that it grows. The way we think, is the way we are.

It’s so easy to walk through life and have no trust because it’s been broken…. but it is such a relief when you can find that trust again – so much of the burden is taken away. Knowing that I can release my troubles, pain and worry over to God has become a relief. It’s a relief to know that I can be set free by simply asking for it.

We are all born with a level of faith – it’s what you choose to do with it that matters. Growing up, we have faith that our family will provide and protect us. We have faith in what we know has come before us – it has happened, so we can expect it. Those times we say, “it will all work out; it always does” are the times when faith comes into play. We have faith in something in the universe coming together to make things happen. For me, the hand of God is what is pulling things together – and it’s something that I can trust.

Hebrews 13:8

8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

So, whatever it is that can give you faith or hope – I suggest exploring it as much as possible. The little urges (that won’t seem to go away) mean something. It is tough to walk through difficult times without having something greater than us. It’s when we hit rock bottom that we start looking up… but we don’t have to wait for that time to come. Whatever it is that brings forth hope or peace is something that is worth exploring. There is a purpose. This walk can become much easier when you know and feel like there is a purpose.

If you feel hope and a sense of purpose, the fight will become easier!

I’m pretty sure I may have rambled on…. it was all kind of a big deal! 🙂 

light

 

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “That tiny little voice.

  1. Thanks for sharing your experience at church 🙂 It does make all the difference to know that God’s plan is bigger and better than what I can imagine, bigger and better than what I would reach if I follwed my own ways. I’ve recently read a quote that compares our fears to a scarecrow: actually, they show us where the greatest blessings are! So when we step out on faith do something inspite of being afraid, it gives us access to what God has in store for us. I really like that thought (so much that I mentioned it in my blog^^) – I hope you do, too!

    • What a great quote! Thank you for sharing!!! I really like the idea of “doing it afraid” 🙂 Thanks for that thought!!! I think I’m going to take that and run with it! I love your blog as well.

      • Thanks 🙂 I found the idea of “doing it afraid” so helpful – I don’t need to first get rid of my fears and then begin to change my behavior, but it works the other way around…

  2. Yes, yes, yes! I have so many of those same thoughts. I loved the paragraph about going in front of the church but not doing it. I am there all the time. But, I am a firm believer that your pew/chair can be your alter. And my ED recovery has helped restore and renew my faith as well. Working through the 12 Steps and going to a Christian counselor has really helped me with my journey. I like the Step 3 prayer when I am anxious or go through something, which btw I should be saying now as I am struggling, but look it up. It is great.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s