Your “Voice”

Often, in therapy, the topic of my “voice” comes up. I’m told of this vague thing that I need to find. I always imagine that one day it will just be “found” and pop out of nowhere – with a label on it (life just isn’t that easy). It can’t be found or pulled out easily (as I’ve tried). Apparently this “voice” they speak of is “within you.”

What is “your voice,” I have wondered. Well, I have no clue… but I have some ideas. It’s saying what you think and feel and not changing your thoughts and words based on others, or what others expected of you. It’s being able to make your own choice or judgment and then being able to say whatever that is. Obviously this is not the exact definition, but it’s the best I’ve come up with as I’ve been working toward finding it. So, for example….. if you don’t want to do something, you say “no.” If you want something to stop, you say so. If you need something, you ask for it.

In the past, I’ve done what many others have done– silenced myself for the sake of not causing trouble. I’ll let you in on a secret I’ve learned— it fails…. and it fails miserably. Being honest, the only one hurt in stifling your voice is yourself. Others may be pleased, but you will be miserable.

I’m finding that I can’t find my voice in one specific place. It seems to be everywhere. It’s in a choice you make from your gut instinct. It’s in choosing not to change your stance. It’s when you tell somebody to please stop treating you a certain way. It’s there when you are in a disagreement and you are able to stand your ground. Your voice is that push that says you really don’t want to agree when the guilt is raging.

Now that this whole “voice thing” is starting to make sense, I can see how it works. Honestly, you can’t recover until you come into yourself and find your voice. Recovery just can’t happen when you can’t be who you are and accept who you are. Standing up for yourself is one of the most important things you can do in this world. If you choose not to come to your own defense, then who will? Being willing to come to your own defense and protect the peace in your soul is what your voice is.

“Brave” by Sara Bareilles speaks to this topic.

“Brave”

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there,
Everybody’s been stared down by the enemy
Fallen for the fear
And done some disappearing,
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, just stop holding your tongue
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

And since your history of silence
Won’t do you any good,
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

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